Glossary of terms used in IPCC Reports
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Adaptation: Coping with complexities in IPCC Reports. Not easy, especially for skeptics. If used in relation to social and biosphere responses to climate change, writers must remember that nothing can adapt to climate change, except the IPCC, mainstream scientists, holiday-makers and retirerees
Carbon dioxide: Cause of the greenhouse effect and climate change.
Clean Development Mechanism: Paying to reduce carbon emissions in the Third World. This is a great idea: recipients will love having their foreign aid dollars spent on wind power, and donors will get tradable carbon credits (see rent seeking).
Climate change: Linear climate modification caused by the greenhouse effect and carbon dioxide Note this can be much less than you will experience on holiday or attending IPCC conferences.
Climate sensitivity: The change in temperature caused by a change in a relevant factor, usually carbon dioxide. [Modelers' tip:] In performing a fingerprint correlation, always set the climate sensitivity of "doubling carbon dioxide" at 2.5 degrees Celsius, and LEAVE IT THERE.
Common sense: [You don't need to know what this means if you are working on an IPCC report.]
Confidence: A type of trick. Confidence in models has improved means we're even more confident of taking you in this time around, mainly because greenhouse funding is increasing faster than model predictions of climate change.
Consensus: The views the Summary for Policymakers attributes to mainstream scientists. Previous examples of scientific consensus include creationism, the Ptolemaic universe, the phlogiston theory, ether, canals on Mars, and global cooling. The IPCC consensus is different: it is correct in every respect, supported by greenhouse funding and only a dwindling band of skeptics dares to oppose it.
Corrections: Factors applied to non-homogenous temperature records by mainstream scientists working in prestigious scientific establishments to ensure that greenhouse funding produces valid climate change research suitable for publication in prestigious scientific journals.
Dwindling band of skeptics: The proper term for skeptics. To keep a clean mind, it is best not to read their work which lacks credibility. Nevertheless, if you are over 18 (21 in some States) and wish to view some XXX-rated skeptical material, click here.
Fingerprint correlation: Making predictions track observations on a graph. Achieved by jiggling the input variables for the predictions. [In IPCC reports:] Irrefutable proof.
Greenhouse effect: Caused by carbon dioxide, reason for greenhouse funding.
Greenhouse Funding: Generous grant money provided to mainstream scientists to study climate changeand have their results published in prestigious scientific journals.
Greenhouse gases: The cause of the greenhouse effect, see carbon dioxide.
Homogenous, homogeneity: A state of data conducive to greenhouse funding. Temperature records and other climate time series data generated by mainstream scientists. Temperature records that show appropriate warming eg. Los Angeles. Irkutsk, Sydney and Johannesburg are homogenous by definition and will not require correction. Temperature records that are not homogenous will be corrected by mainstream scientists from prestigious research establishments.
Level of scientific understanding: Low. Very low.
Lower troposphere: The layer of the atmosphere that should show the maximum greenhouse effect. There are VERY GOOD REASONS why satellites and weather balloons show no warming in this layer (see Fourth Assessment Report).
Mainstream scientist: A scientist receiving greenhouse funding.
Malaria: A disease previously common in Europe, North America, Japan, Singapore etc. until eradicated by public health measures. [In IPCC Reports:] A disease whose incidence is determined by climate change.
Medieval warm period: An insignificant localized warming that just happens to have been observed in Europe, Siberia, Greenland, Peru, Taiwan, Japan, Tasmania etc. Can't have been very important, since it could not have been caused by carbon dioxide.
Meteorology: What we were doing before we got greenhouse funding.
Model Predictions: Climate change predictions by mainstream scientists assisted by greenhouse funding.
Multivariate analysis: Dangerous area of research examining causes of climate change other than greenhouse gases. [Modelers' tip:] Avoid where possible (cf. malaria).
NASA: Vast research establishment lacking proper direction and controls that mainstream scientists should be wary of. Check with IPCC if in doubt.
Natural climate variability: The space between the two lines on a fingerprint correlation after you've done the best you can.
Observations: Data, e.g. on temperature. Before performing a fingerprint correlation, ensure that temperature data are RISING. This can be done by including homogenous urban and airport weather records, judicious selection of start and end dates, or applying corrections. Take utmost care with data from satellites, weather balloons, scientific stations, remote islands, national parks, lighthouses etc. which may not be homogenous and probably will not show appropriate warming.
Organic life: Life containing carbon. [Sierra Club tip:] To wipe out life on earth, remove all carbon dioxide from the atmosphere.
Paleoclimate: The study of past climate. Permitted, as long as it shows climate change was caused by carbon dioxide.
Peer review: Getting your mates to tick the excellent and exciting box and if you are lucky they may check for typos. Peer review should only be done by mainstream scientists.
Precautionary principle: Implementing solutions before a problem is proven; taking action on the basis of speculation. Little-known fact: The precautionary principle was invented in the 1960s by spruikers on television wrestling shows. At the end of each broadcast, they would shout: And remember fans, anything can happen and it probably will - so tune in next Friday night.
Prestigious scientific establishments: Where mainstream scientists research climate change to publish peer reviewed papers in prestigious scientific journals.
Prestigious scientific journal: Where mainstream scientists working in prestigious scientific establishments publish their peer reviewed research confident that the editor will be a mainstream scientist and will select other mainstream scientists and their mates to check papers for typos.
Rent seeking: Getting paid for unproductive activity. See Clean Development Mechanism.
Risk analysis: Assessing the nature and probability of future harm from climate change in order to calculate how much should be spent on greenhouse funding to insure against it. Cf. common sense. Often replaced in IPCC reports with the precautionary principle.
Sequestration: Action to promote uptake or storage of greenhouse gases into sinks. Seeding oceans with iron could sequester large amounts of carbon cheaply which might eliminate the main reason for greenhouse funding. Keeping irrelevance like this out of the scientific literature is one of the tasks of peer review.
Skeptic: A mainstream scientist stricken by conscience in retirement.
Summary for Policymakers: The scary bits of IPCC reports written by politicians to guide mainstream scientists. [Chairman's tip:] If the report itself does not have enough scary bits, make more up! You can always stick them in the report later.
Syllogism: A logical formula consisting of a major premise, a minor premise, and a conclusion. Example:
Major premise: Continued greenhouse funding
depends on alarmist predictions.
Minor premise: The rate of increase in carbon emissions has been slowing for 20 years.
Conclusion: Greenhouse gas concentrations are about to go through the roof.
Urban Heat Island (UHI): Greatly exaggerated
meteorological effect previously suspected in rare instances of
causing slightly warmer temperatures in urban areas over 100,000
in population. Mainstream scientists
have worked for decades in prestigious scientific
establishments and failed to define the UHI
in homogenous temperature records despite hundreds
of millions of dollars in greenhouse funding.
Generally unsuitable area of research if you want to
publish in prestigious scientific journals.
Researchers in this area should note that top mainstream scientists are close to discovering the elusive Urban Cool Island or UCI.
You read it first here.
Posted 18, March, 2001.
© Warwick Hughes, 2000
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